When was the last time your asked your heterosexual friends the intimate details of their sex life?
Now some of you might discuss this with one or two very close friends but I suspect on the whole you don't discuss this with the majority of your friends.
Is there a point to this question? Yes there is and it is about my philosophy on people judging other people and for this piece in particular gay people.
My point of view on this topic has been the same for over twenty years and I thought now was a good time to share a story with you.
When I was in my early twenties I worked with a girl and we became friends. Not close friends but friends nevertheless. I had known her for over a year and nothing much happened in that time. However over a period of two or three days in one particular week I noticed that she seemed different. She was smiling all of the time and there was a definite spring to her step, so I said there is something different about you. After some playful banter, with me listing all the things I thought it could be we went back to work and although I didn't have an answer that was fine. Truthfully I was just happy to see her so happy.
As lunchtime came around she came and found me and said, "You were right and it was one of the things you listed earlier." I don't know why but I immediately went to back to you have met someone and this time I added and it's a woman. She nodded. Now at the time I don't know why I said that, she had never expressed an interest in woman and I had never asked her any personal questions. Another one of my philosophies but we shall leave that so another post.
Anyway, she wanted to talk and I was happy to listen,so we went out for lunch. She then told me that the only other person she had told was her best friend of ten years, whilst they were in the pub. Her friends response was "I never want to see you again" and she left. She then told me she thought I would understand or rather that I wouldn't judge her. My response was "I do not judge or even ask my other friends about their sexual preferences why should I do that with you? What you do in your personal relationships as long as it isn't hurting anyone is nothing to do with me and doesn't in anyway personally impact on me."
So here is my point, take a look around at all of your friends and the people you know. Would you consider asking them about their sexual preferences before deciding if you want to be friends with them? Would they still want to be friends with you if they knew yours?
When you feel like you have the moral high ground it is easy to judge, but life and love is never that straightforward. A little kindness and understanding I am sure would make the world a better place for so many of us.
Now some of you might discuss this with one or two very close friends but I suspect on the whole you don't discuss this with the majority of your friends.
Is there a point to this question? Yes there is and it is about my philosophy on people judging other people and for this piece in particular gay people.
My point of view on this topic has been the same for over twenty years and I thought now was a good time to share a story with you.
When I was in my early twenties I worked with a girl and we became friends. Not close friends but friends nevertheless. I had known her for over a year and nothing much happened in that time. However over a period of two or three days in one particular week I noticed that she seemed different. She was smiling all of the time and there was a definite spring to her step, so I said there is something different about you. After some playful banter, with me listing all the things I thought it could be we went back to work and although I didn't have an answer that was fine. Truthfully I was just happy to see her so happy.
As lunchtime came around she came and found me and said, "You were right and it was one of the things you listed earlier." I don't know why but I immediately went to back to you have met someone and this time I added and it's a woman. She nodded. Now at the time I don't know why I said that, she had never expressed an interest in woman and I had never asked her any personal questions. Another one of my philosophies but we shall leave that so another post.
Anyway, she wanted to talk and I was happy to listen,so we went out for lunch. She then told me that the only other person she had told was her best friend of ten years, whilst they were in the pub. Her friends response was "I never want to see you again" and she left. She then told me she thought I would understand or rather that I wouldn't judge her. My response was "I do not judge or even ask my other friends about their sexual preferences why should I do that with you? What you do in your personal relationships as long as it isn't hurting anyone is nothing to do with me and doesn't in anyway personally impact on me."
So here is my point, take a look around at all of your friends and the people you know. Would you consider asking them about their sexual preferences before deciding if you want to be friends with them? Would they still want to be friends with you if they knew yours?
When you feel like you have the moral high ground it is easy to judge, but life and love is never that straightforward. A little kindness and understanding I am sure would make the world a better place for so many of us.
I, like you, do not judge people! I don't care about their sexual preferences! I don't even consider it an issue, and a lot less my business to get into someone's very private life unless the person wants to share with me. However, even at that rate my priorities are kindness, compassion, grace, and acceptance which is a lot farther than tolerance. I do not tolerate; I choose to ACCEPT without questioning. In the end, the perfection society expects is false. I'm not the perfect person society seeks! I've flaws, and I'm very okay with that. It keeps me humble! It keeps my mouth shut and my mind open! 😉
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for this AWESOME post, Cate! ✨✒️📚✨